"Question, what's the most important appliance in your house?"
"Meat grinder."
"Too slow. It's the toilet. And, I am the toilet of this office. I flush away annoying problems so others can keep their hands clean, and, just like a toilet, I am essential."
A conversation between Skeleton Man and Dwight Schnoot, The Office.
Now, lets forget about the meat grinder. Let's talk about Dwight's incinerator.
As, everyone has one in their house,...... uh, wait, what? They don't? Ah, well then, we shall be talking about the humble toilet.
Yes, I'm saying that Harry Maguire is a toilet. A pretty good one at that as well. Gold plated, heated seat covers, handless water spout, the works. He is one of the best ones of them all. Let me explain.
The toilet is the most underrated and important appliance in your house. Every time you feel stressed, you go to it. Every time you need some peace, you go to it. Yeah, it also helps to get rid of your wastes, but let's be honest, that's not what the appliance is for, is it? Wow, really? Never knew.
It takes your sh*t, doesn't complain and gets ready to do it all over again.
"Behind every great man, is a toilet. It does all the underappreciated work, but make no doubt of it, the great man wouldn't be great without it."
- @LogicalUtd.
The toilet is so unlucky that the problems caused by other products are extrapolated on it as well. Bad quality toilet paper? The toilet is the problem. The water spout is not working? Easy, blame the toilet. But, that is an analogy for a later time. For now, let's focus on Harry Maguire.
Ever since his 80m move to Manchester United in the Summer of 2019, Harry Maguire has been one of the most divisive players on the planet. Fans with different opinions find every chance to either berate him, or to deflect blame from him. The problem, is that opinions are extremely biased. That is why nerds like myself, use stats to prove points. That's why nerds are smart. You got that, kids? Become nerds, its cool. STAT ATTACK!!!!! (FBREF.)
Who is this CB? VVD? Ruben Dias? NO! This article about Harry Maguire. Pay attention man.
How is it that a CB who ranks so highly amongst his counterparts have such a negative reception amongst the media and fans? I tell you, Opinions! Use stats, and facts. In the right context. (Facts used in the wrong contexts in worse than opinions).
Here is another STAT ATTACK!! (The Athletic.)
How many CB's do you see in this list? You see only 1.
There is no CB in the league who is as disrespected as this guy. He contributes massively to the build-up play of Man Utd and is one of the best defenders in the world in the air. His ground defensive attributes are elite and is one of the smartest defenders in the game, his intelligence being a vital part of his play style.
He hardly ever misses a game through injury, staying a rock in the heart of the Manchester United defence, always giving his all, never hiding. He is one who takes charge, who ups his tempo whenever his team needs him. Alas, he is blamed for the mistakes of others most of the time. Yes, Maguire makes mistakes, but who doesn't? The fact that he rises from these mistakes, to come back stronger than ever, is what makes him so special.
Oh, and another thing. The fact that we overpaid for him is NOT HIS FAULT.
Not many houses are lucky enough to have special toilets. Unless, of course, the owners of the house are loaded. But when the house owners are stingy, you only get one. You have to appreciate it, to the best of your ability, instead of lamenting over the lack of a 2nd one.
So, the toilet is the most important appliance of the house. It breaks down, the entire house breaks down.
Harry Maguire is the toilet of Manchester United, and I absolutely adore and respect the freaking hell out of him for it.
Say "Thank You, Harry.", Kids.
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